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For more information or scheduling
For more information or scheduling
sincere question
HOW MUCH CAN WE LOVE BEFORE IT HURTS?
Couples
No matter the culture, gender, or sexuality, partners tend to struggle somewhere in these six areas the most:
sex/intimacy, time/space, information/money
These challenges can be present when we as lovers and partners aren't emotionally available, then discontent shows up when we fail to learn the signals in ourselves and in the ones we love. A failure to reflect on (self) activation/arousal reads as neglecting to show that we care.
Frustration becomes a frequent expression with partners and it can be misconstrued as disaffection. Ask yourself what the function of your feelings might be? Perhaps those same feelings convey one meaning to your partner but mean something, altogether, different for you.
When you're with your significant other do you become irritated when you're actually disappointed or sad? On the other hand, do you become embarrassed if you're actually feeling vulnerable? If you answered yes, we can explore and develop better practices with self-awareness, self-reflection, self-concept, and self esteem in that order!
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No matter the culture, gender, or sexuality, partners tend to struggle somewhere in these six areas the most:
sex/intimacy, time/space, information/money
These challenges can be present when we as lovers and partners aren't emotionally available, then discontent shows up when we fail to learn the signals in ourselves and in the ones we love. A failure to reflect on (self) activation/arousal reads as neglecting to show that we care.
Frustration becomes a frequent expression with partners and it can be misconstrued as disaffection. Ask yourself what the function of your feelings might be? Perhaps those same feelings convey one meaning to your partner but mean something, altogether, different for you.
When you're with your significant other do you become irritated when you're actually disappointed or sad? On the other hand, do you become embarrassed if you're actually feeling vulnerable? If you answered yes, we can explore and develop better practices with self-awareness, self-reflection, self-concept, and self esteem in that order!
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storming, enjoying, planning, loving, cautioning, backing and filling, appearing and disappearing,
I tread day and night such roads
-walt whitman
NOTE to Couples | Direct Engagement -
For partnered sessions, I blend in Systems therapeutic techniques, meaning there are times I may actually merge into the process (the dynamic as it occurs in session, i.e., partner's argument) utilizing specific approaches such as, joining, mapping, unbalancing, reframing, enactment, restructuring and role realignment. This style serves to challenge dysfunctional behaviors, avoidance, or denial within the active dynamic. The application addresses root causes in real time as opposed to merely locating symptoms. Ineffective boundaries get noted that may be too diffuse or too rigid.
This directive form is helpful for couples who are considered high conflict as well as for people-pleasing couples...and sometimes it is the people pleasing people who fight (passively then sharply) most often, due to their own exhaustion.
For partnered sessions, I blend in Systems therapeutic techniques, meaning there are times I may actually merge into the process (the dynamic as it occurs in session, i.e., partner's argument) utilizing specific approaches such as, joining, mapping, unbalancing, reframing, enactment, restructuring and role realignment. This style serves to challenge dysfunctional behaviors, avoidance, or denial within the active dynamic. The application addresses root causes in real time as opposed to merely locating symptoms. Ineffective boundaries get noted that may be too diffuse or too rigid.
This directive form is helpful for couples who are considered high conflict as well as for people-pleasing couples...and sometimes it is the people pleasing people who fight (passively then sharply) most often, due to their own exhaustion.
21st Century Sex, Love, and Understanding
Challenges to Outdated Straight Tropes and Other Coupling Conventions
Being in a Relationship proves my worth
Well, no. How we take care, carry ourselves, and recover, given the daily battles that we incur with body aches and pains, technology, traffic, work, family, strangers, or friends typically tells us more about our intrinsic value. Companionship is a whole other movie.
We've been together for 3 years and friends and family are asking when we're ‘taking the next step,’ but we feel solid, here
Couples who remain committed to one another while maintaining their own individuation are healthy, mature, and reasonable.
If it isn't broken, don't fix it. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn't work, stop.
Don't go to bed mad
Well, of course you can. You're emotionally exhausted, you're not thinking clearly anymore, nor are you feeling the least bit receptive. It's better to let things breathe than to feel hurt and then become hurtful. Go to Bed.
Sleeping in the same bed assures a healthy marriage
Having a primary and secondary bedroom permits the couple time to reset, recharge, and spend much needed time alone for rest and relaxation, as each spouse sees fit. It's often quite invigorating to choose 'date nights' to sleep with one another, as opposed to begrudgingly choosing the opposite.
We are great together and thriving in our careers, but our parents want grandkids
Not all people have children or want them. Namely, those who thrive in their careers and derive enjoyment out of their own mobility, creativity, and pleasure with versatility. Not having kids doesn't mean a thing, other than you as a couple have different priorities as a couple.
If I get a Divorce, my friends and family will think I failed
Staying married doesn’t mean that you’re happy as a person.
Getting divorced doesn’t mean that the two of you are unhappy when paired.
Many, many couples come to find that their love for one another over the course of time makes more sense to not be together, than it does to be together.
KJ's coupling clues / signs along the way-
Clue One: Appearance or wealth are not accurate predictors of good loving
Clue Two: Memory and desire can be at odds with one another
Clue Three: Coupling comes at the cost of certainty
Clue Four: Routine and rebellion are borne of two joined Individuals who have become a union of opposites
All Clues, Equal This: The longevity of a relationship has to do with yielding, at times, to unwanted forms of transformation where neither the full shape or import of that alteration can be known in advance.
Emotional Warning Lights
Guilt lingers when we disregard other's principles (boundaries)
ex: They asked me to respect our agreement and I didn't.
Shame lingers when we abandon our own principles
ex: I just couldn't own up to the fact that I broke our agreement.
Tip
Let go of the idea that criticism, blame, or demands (CBD) will bring resolve
Clues Ignored
Grief claims us, when we feel that what binds us can also strand us and we become wrecked
Moral of the Story
Before the possibility of losing a partner arrives, generate daily self-regard, support, and other interests, so as not to become lost in your partner. For best results, keep your individuality and lose the resentment
Boon
And if the inevitable comes, do yourself a favor: Appreciate the ones who set you free and trust what gets eliminated, as this is the actual beginning towards something new that will define deeper self-understanding.
Clue One: Appearance or wealth are not accurate predictors of good loving
Clue Two: Memory and desire can be at odds with one another
Clue Three: Coupling comes at the cost of certainty
Clue Four: Routine and rebellion are borne of two joined Individuals who have become a union of opposites
All Clues, Equal This: The longevity of a relationship has to do with yielding, at times, to unwanted forms of transformation where neither the full shape or import of that alteration can be known in advance.
Emotional Warning Lights
Guilt lingers when we disregard other's principles (boundaries)
ex: They asked me to respect our agreement and I didn't.
Shame lingers when we abandon our own principles
ex: I just couldn't own up to the fact that I broke our agreement.
Tip
Let go of the idea that criticism, blame, or demands (CBD) will bring resolve
Clues Ignored
Grief claims us, when we feel that what binds us can also strand us and we become wrecked
Moral of the Story
Before the possibility of losing a partner arrives, generate daily self-regard, support, and other interests, so as not to become lost in your partner. For best results, keep your individuality and lose the resentment
Boon
And if the inevitable comes, do yourself a favor: Appreciate the ones who set you free and trust what gets eliminated, as this is the actual beginning towards something new that will define deeper self-understanding.
Relationships
often end in the same manner they begin,
with one person somewhat lost and the other one searching
Advice for people who are friends with a person in a stormy relationship
Break ups have a way of becoming reconciliations
If there is no domestic violence, it’s best to simply watch your friends like the weather. When they’re into their partner, that’s where you should be, and if they’re having some trouble with their partner but aren’t asking for your opinion, than simply support that inclement state. Your friend, sister, brother, or even co-worker’s emotional state with their partner is not up to you. It’s not your fight nor is it yours to be unmoving about.
So be a good friend.
Meet them where they are
If there is no domestic violence, it’s best to simply watch your friends like the weather. When they’re into their partner, that’s where you should be, and if they’re having some trouble with their partner but aren’t asking for your opinion, than simply support that inclement state. Your friend, sister, brother, or even co-worker’s emotional state with their partner is not up to you. It’s not your fight nor is it yours to be unmoving about.
So be a good friend.
Meet them where they are
Sessions are also available for
Poly, Consensual non-monogamy (CNM), Ethical non-monogamy (ENM), or Relationship Anarchy (RA)
Californians must protect each other
respect human rights