Kristin F Jones LMFT
When you came here today,
what was your hope?
Contact Me for more information or session scheduling
The Emotional Environment
How well did you sleep last night?
Do you become apprehensive in crowded spaces anticipating the unanticipated?
Do feelings of exhaustion cause misunderstandings with you and your significant other?
Or maybe the news or social media is reinforcing hopelessness, anger, or a feeling that we collectively need to do much much more.
Other concerns may involve the literal and emotional costs of (not) owning a place; being partnered, having a child, or having access to a consistent living wage.
Do you become apprehensive in crowded spaces anticipating the unanticipated?
Do feelings of exhaustion cause misunderstandings with you and your significant other?
Or maybe the news or social media is reinforcing hopelessness, anger, or a feeling that we collectively need to do much much more.
Other concerns may involve the literal and emotional costs of (not) owning a place; being partnered, having a child, or having access to a consistent living wage.
|
|
|
Joy, Anger, Grief, Worry, Fear, and Sadness
We don't live in one world, we live in many.
With 10 million people in Los Angeles county, we make our way through crowded lines, sit on extended holds for services, and spend far too much time lost on our phones searching or distracting ourselves. We are constantly being pushed and pulled, all the while our lives are happening.
And everyday, we experience energies, attitudes and behaviors in others who are going through the same thing in their own lives. It seems by day's end, something as simple as deciding on dinner can cause our already frayed nerves to go into overdrive. These combinations become a serious condition when prolonged over time. Being tired, too much for too long, separates the efficient exchange of information between the brain and the body.
It takes a toll on our ability to genuinely connect, concentrate, or commit; especially to self.
We don't live in one world, we live in many.
With 10 million people in Los Angeles county, we make our way through crowded lines, sit on extended holds for services, and spend far too much time lost on our phones searching or distracting ourselves. We are constantly being pushed and pulled, all the while our lives are happening.
And everyday, we experience energies, attitudes and behaviors in others who are going through the same thing in their own lives. It seems by day's end, something as simple as deciding on dinner can cause our already frayed nerves to go into overdrive. These combinations become a serious condition when prolonged over time. Being tired, too much for too long, separates the efficient exchange of information between the brain and the body.
It takes a toll on our ability to genuinely connect, concentrate, or commit; especially to self.
☂︎ Adaptation
A change or process of change by which an organism or species becomes better suited to its environment.
A change or process of change by which an organism or species becomes better suited to its environment.
♧ VERSUS ♧
Intransigence
Unwillingness to change one's views or to agree
Lack of susceptibility or of capacity to feel or perceive
Arrogance or positiveness in stating opinions
Unwillingness to change one's views or to agree
Lack of susceptibility or of capacity to feel or perceive
Arrogance or positiveness in stating opinions
this topic is included in the Kristin F Jones, LMFT digital publication because of its overarching presence in the therapeutic day-to-day work
Living through extraordinary Climate Changes and the Rancor of American Culture in 2024
We are experiencing ravaging alterations in American culture and to this planet. As these locations become less hospitable, the question we face is:
How do I reconcile being safe while having a need for human and natural contact?
LIFE IN AMERICA
When there are too many consequences and not enough remedies, our bodies choose their own path. We have been living through citizen on citizen violence, and abruptly sheltering from viruses to outrunning feverish atmospheric conditions and flash flooding. If we are to ameliorate outdated egoistic practices and political and scientific disregard, it will surely require more from every single one of us.
This is not about Left vs Right. It is about Right vs. Wrong.
Quick fact:
The human emotional state instructs the human behavioral state. So, when we become exceedingly overtaxed, a discrepant combination between how we feel and what we do with those feelings converts to an irreconcilable state.
It is clear that we as a culture are pushing everything too hard and not, at all. We have grown to endorse hostility and disrespect. We, as a country are also now more invested in blame than in disclosing our own accountability. 'United' once applied to the states of America. But in the last nine years, we have come to be a contiguity of polarity. The word 'contiguous' meaning to share common borders, while the word 'polarity' means to have opposite or contradictory tendencies.
People have grown to mistrust their own discomfort, which by the way, is designed to act as a messenger alerting us to the condition of being more versatile, not less.
As a therapist, I see more and more people discard challenged relationships; refuse to consider jobs if they aren't ideal; abandon pursuits once deeply committed to, or choose 'lying' more frequently-- all because scarce efforts have been made to learn more about the incremental points of one's own discomfort. Adversity + time + reflection create the isthmus that divides growth from disorientation. This combination steadily imbricates, providing eventual deliverance to one's 'flourishing.'
The team work between discomfort and adaptability took six million years to develop, and these two faithfully report for duty in this well-tested design. Discomfort evolved in the human system to help us negotiate, coordinate, orchestrate and re-situate. It didn't come about for us to ignore and disavow. Being uncomfortable is information about the self, and discomfort tells you far more about what is happening inside of you, than it tells you about what is happening outside of you.
Perhaps the moment has arrived to stop working so hard at being offended and to attempt other forms of response, such as, impartiality, clemency, or maybe even grace. Mediocrity, now an American norm is quite ordinary, and yet there are those who choose this, while simultaneously believing themselves to be superior, and thusly, justified in perfecting vicious righteousness and unexamined resentment.
There too, are the more passive but yet, unwilling. The ‘unwilling’ people rely on others to make adjustments for and about them; to take the blame instead of them; and to yield over and over to them. Beyond the passive kind, there are the impassive types who have little regard for, or remorse about, any of the efforts, concerns, or needs of the people whom they have unceremoniously enlisted to take care of them. They tell themselves they are owed. They tell themselves they are unable. They tell themselves that others are withholding from them and deliberately not giving them what they clearly should be given.
Well, no.
No, this is a painfully slow undoing of agency, competency, and fitness of a people...as a people.
In the last nine years, apathy, agitation, and frustration have become the new base line that more and more people are experiencing their life from. It too, is the baseline that people act from (think littering, vitriol, and every type of violence to people, animals, and nature).
Evaluate Yourself
It starts with determining what you consume and employ in relationships, on social media, and with your choices.
Are you consuming and employing hatefulness, obstinance, censoriousness, chronic complaining or dissatisfaction?
Do you treat agreements, people, animals, living arrangements, or even other individual's time as expendable? Perhaps you 1 star rant rate businesses, programs, or services because you don't fully contextualize what you brought to the failed dynamic, and yet, you expect excellence from everyone else, all the time. Animosity is exhausting and subsequently, unusable, unless repeatedly refreshed. Ultimately, it requires more of the hateful, than the hated.
We weren't always like this as American people, remember? Remember?
We have been through SO much in nine small years and it has been unbearable, at times.
THREE LITTLE THINGS
Time and personal introspection truly bring about renewed applications for self, world, and future.
That easy reach for reproach and recrimination does the exact opposite. Hostile maneuvers are castigation, and that is antipathetic to restfulness and to principled pro-social self guidance.
How much longer can we forfeit the very significance of the natural systems that brought us here? Too many clutch to rigidity and have become unapologetically undisciplined, not to mention uninteresting; especially, when it comes to the strenuous conversations about improving conditions for the world, for each other, and for oneself.
Engage yourself in the hard question: Is This Who I've Become?
When there are too many consequences and not enough remedies, our bodies choose their own path. We have been living through citizen on citizen violence, and abruptly sheltering from viruses to outrunning feverish atmospheric conditions and flash flooding. If we are to ameliorate outdated egoistic practices and political and scientific disregard, it will surely require more from every single one of us.
This is not about Left vs Right. It is about Right vs. Wrong.
Quick fact:
The human emotional state instructs the human behavioral state. So, when we become exceedingly overtaxed, a discrepant combination between how we feel and what we do with those feelings converts to an irreconcilable state.
It is clear that we as a culture are pushing everything too hard and not, at all. We have grown to endorse hostility and disrespect. We, as a country are also now more invested in blame than in disclosing our own accountability. 'United' once applied to the states of America. But in the last nine years, we have come to be a contiguity of polarity. The word 'contiguous' meaning to share common borders, while the word 'polarity' means to have opposite or contradictory tendencies.
People have grown to mistrust their own discomfort, which by the way, is designed to act as a messenger alerting us to the condition of being more versatile, not less.
As a therapist, I see more and more people discard challenged relationships; refuse to consider jobs if they aren't ideal; abandon pursuits once deeply committed to, or choose 'lying' more frequently-- all because scarce efforts have been made to learn more about the incremental points of one's own discomfort. Adversity + time + reflection create the isthmus that divides growth from disorientation. This combination steadily imbricates, providing eventual deliverance to one's 'flourishing.'
The team work between discomfort and adaptability took six million years to develop, and these two faithfully report for duty in this well-tested design. Discomfort evolved in the human system to help us negotiate, coordinate, orchestrate and re-situate. It didn't come about for us to ignore and disavow. Being uncomfortable is information about the self, and discomfort tells you far more about what is happening inside of you, than it tells you about what is happening outside of you.
Perhaps the moment has arrived to stop working so hard at being offended and to attempt other forms of response, such as, impartiality, clemency, or maybe even grace. Mediocrity, now an American norm is quite ordinary, and yet there are those who choose this, while simultaneously believing themselves to be superior, and thusly, justified in perfecting vicious righteousness and unexamined resentment.
There too, are the more passive but yet, unwilling. The ‘unwilling’ people rely on others to make adjustments for and about them; to take the blame instead of them; and to yield over and over to them. Beyond the passive kind, there are the impassive types who have little regard for, or remorse about, any of the efforts, concerns, or needs of the people whom they have unceremoniously enlisted to take care of them. They tell themselves they are owed. They tell themselves they are unable. They tell themselves that others are withholding from them and deliberately not giving them what they clearly should be given.
Well, no.
No, this is a painfully slow undoing of agency, competency, and fitness of a people...as a people.
In the last nine years, apathy, agitation, and frustration have become the new base line that more and more people are experiencing their life from. It too, is the baseline that people act from (think littering, vitriol, and every type of violence to people, animals, and nature).
Evaluate Yourself
It starts with determining what you consume and employ in relationships, on social media, and with your choices.
Are you consuming and employing hatefulness, obstinance, censoriousness, chronic complaining or dissatisfaction?
Do you treat agreements, people, animals, living arrangements, or even other individual's time as expendable? Perhaps you 1 star rant rate businesses, programs, or services because you don't fully contextualize what you brought to the failed dynamic, and yet, you expect excellence from everyone else, all the time. Animosity is exhausting and subsequently, unusable, unless repeatedly refreshed. Ultimately, it requires more of the hateful, than the hated.
We weren't always like this as American people, remember? Remember?
We have been through SO much in nine small years and it has been unbearable, at times.
THREE LITTLE THINGS
Time and personal introspection truly bring about renewed applications for self, world, and future.
That easy reach for reproach and recrimination does the exact opposite. Hostile maneuvers are castigation, and that is antipathetic to restfulness and to principled pro-social self guidance.
How much longer can we forfeit the very significance of the natural systems that brought us here? Too many clutch to rigidity and have become unapologetically undisciplined, not to mention uninteresting; especially, when it comes to the strenuous conversations about improving conditions for the world, for each other, and for oneself.
Engage yourself in the hard question: Is This Who I've Become?
E Pluribus Unum
'Out of many, One'
'Out of many, One'
yours, mine, and ours
Yeah, that's the motto of the United States,
where Many together equals ONE
such as fellow brown, black and white skinned citizens; service workers, money people, suburban, country and city folk-
who are elders, adults, and youngsters.
We see this latin phrase on our coins, currency, and inside government buildings as a purpose for who we are.
We are not what is found in imaginary oppositional spaces such as X or Facebook or Comments sections.
The internet is not a real place, your neighborhood is.
From the left to the right we need to Re-member
'Liberal democracy' means a plurality of ideas.
The motto was not intended for
one people of a political ideology to chastise and punish another
-that's irresponsible to citizen care and incredibly unproductive-
--
E Pluribus Unum
is seemingly disparate ideas passing through the other to augment our sense of liberty.
say, jets in formation flying over a baseball game
strength and morale
.
reciting a religious invocation at the beginning of a liberal arts graduation ceremony
inspiration and tolerance
.
having Labor Day OFF
vocation and collective bargaining
.
or, being the wealthiest country in the world with the most casual dress code
Yankee Doodle went to town,
Riding on a pony.
Stuck a feather in his cap.
And called it macaroni.
-
it's in our bones
the lyrics of Yankee Doodle were meant as an insult.
Americans have combined ideas since our inception and when we didn't have
the means to do or have something, we simply reframed the idea of it.
(as the song implies, apparently we've always had a light dusting of gayness)
werk
where Many together equals ONE
such as fellow brown, black and white skinned citizens; service workers, money people, suburban, country and city folk-
who are elders, adults, and youngsters.
We see this latin phrase on our coins, currency, and inside government buildings as a purpose for who we are.
We are not what is found in imaginary oppositional spaces such as X or Facebook or Comments sections.
The internet is not a real place, your neighborhood is.
From the left to the right we need to Re-member
'Liberal democracy' means a plurality of ideas.
The motto was not intended for
one people of a political ideology to chastise and punish another
-that's irresponsible to citizen care and incredibly unproductive-
--
E Pluribus Unum
is seemingly disparate ideas passing through the other to augment our sense of liberty.
say, jets in formation flying over a baseball game
strength and morale
.
reciting a religious invocation at the beginning of a liberal arts graduation ceremony
inspiration and tolerance
.
having Labor Day OFF
vocation and collective bargaining
.
or, being the wealthiest country in the world with the most casual dress code
Yankee Doodle went to town,
Riding on a pony.
Stuck a feather in his cap.
And called it macaroni.
-
it's in our bones
the lyrics of Yankee Doodle were meant as an insult.
Americans have combined ideas since our inception and when we didn't have
the means to do or have something, we simply reframed the idea of it.
(as the song implies, apparently we've always had a light dusting of gayness)
werk
The parties range: Democratic, Republican, Reform, Libertarian, Socialist, Natural Law, Constitution, and Green. The values range from ultraconservatism to progressive. Yeah, we've got it all.
Concept of Culture as a Melting Pot: America and her Continuums
Values, beliefs, and behaviors are exchanged here in American English (our ever-changing national language). But, the true value of America is informed by each person's ethnicity, race, place of origin, linguistic background, racial and ethnic heritage, and knowledges (both local and generalized). Don't forget that each of us is free to be anywhere on the secular to religious continuum. As individuals or groups, we are also free to be somewhere along the traditional to technological continuum, ranging from our gender to what particular practice of learning we imbue. And as for citizenry, we are each free to move along the rights and responsibilities continuum.
This ain't so, all over the world. Furthermore, we have...
Family constellation continuums that can be made up of extended family, fictive kinship, caring relationship networks, couples, and small nuclear families who each independently coordinate in their own decision making, support, and division of labor. Other distinctly American examples range from drag family 'Houses,' to the houses full of sister-wives in Mormon culture. Our ownership continuums vary from Individual rights to communal ownership, beginning with our little citizens and their toys (mine!) to the national libraries to indigenous land of the 574 Indian Nations (variously called tribes, nations, bands, pueblos, communities and native villages).
American time continuums reveal that as a country we are a future-oriented people, but we also live among memorials, exact start times, sorta-kinda schedules, and daily routines. There are those who practice more seasonal or religious time traditions; while others use the moon cycle to assist in preparation from tidal pool feasts to menstruation. Speaking of the uterus, our celebration of Birthdays is uniquely American (cake and candles were individual practices that were brought here). Along the way, we combined different practices of world traveling Americans-to-be, thus making birth as a marker and a merry instrument of time. Americans combined cake-n-candles then added wrapping an object plus writing something sentimental or specific to signify a 'birthday.' This all-out-frou-frou effort became an American tradition with our middle class here in the States, circa 1860-1880 (the first time our country was deeply divided then began healing from Civil War). American time and space is freely chosen and combined however one sees fit, throughout every phase of life for every citizen.
And this also ain't so, all over the world. Furthermore...
On this soil, every person, plant, and animal influences and is influenced by the American quilt. Each one of us is a vessel in which sub-cultures and continuums are carried in an American lifetime. We cannot avoid these continuums, not even those who try. Being a melting pot is culturally and generationally integrating, and the mix is stirred by all of us, every single day. We inform one another with our speech, our dress, and our American smile.
America is mixed, it's messy, it's imperfect and it is an experiment that only lasts as long as we philosophically and behaviorally support its message, 'out of many, one.' And this begs the question, ‘Is it time to drop the neurosis of self-loathing about ourselves as a country, yet?’ To hate one another as Americans is to hate (ourselves) Americans. Yeah, about that neurosis...
We have gotten too reductive with left/right...good/bad...yes/no…fxxk you/fxxk you back.
*yaaaaawwwwwwn*
Perhaps, we can loosen our grip, and the impulse to 'brace' before a conversation begins. We are mostly just everyday folk, and that old funny man to our left is not likely to require anything more of us than a couple of head nods, at Subway. He's just stuck in line, too, having the same experience at the same time with us. It's not like we need to focus because we're flying a plane. Maybe, let interactions land in a space where simple basic differences and our American weirdness make the experience all that it can be, interesting and affable. Easy peasy, like 2012 easy.
Let conversations break open gently then simply follow the natural path, rather than being finicky, or bothered about the smallest passing (no)thing.
Values, beliefs, and behaviors are exchanged here in American English (our ever-changing national language). But, the true value of America is informed by each person's ethnicity, race, place of origin, linguistic background, racial and ethnic heritage, and knowledges (both local and generalized). Don't forget that each of us is free to be anywhere on the secular to religious continuum. As individuals or groups, we are also free to be somewhere along the traditional to technological continuum, ranging from our gender to what particular practice of learning we imbue. And as for citizenry, we are each free to move along the rights and responsibilities continuum.
This ain't so, all over the world. Furthermore, we have...
Family constellation continuums that can be made up of extended family, fictive kinship, caring relationship networks, couples, and small nuclear families who each independently coordinate in their own decision making, support, and division of labor. Other distinctly American examples range from drag family 'Houses,' to the houses full of sister-wives in Mormon culture. Our ownership continuums vary from Individual rights to communal ownership, beginning with our little citizens and their toys (mine!) to the national libraries to indigenous land of the 574 Indian Nations (variously called tribes, nations, bands, pueblos, communities and native villages).
American time continuums reveal that as a country we are a future-oriented people, but we also live among memorials, exact start times, sorta-kinda schedules, and daily routines. There are those who practice more seasonal or religious time traditions; while others use the moon cycle to assist in preparation from tidal pool feasts to menstruation. Speaking of the uterus, our celebration of Birthdays is uniquely American (cake and candles were individual practices that were brought here). Along the way, we combined different practices of world traveling Americans-to-be, thus making birth as a marker and a merry instrument of time. Americans combined cake-n-candles then added wrapping an object plus writing something sentimental or specific to signify a 'birthday.' This all-out-frou-frou effort became an American tradition with our middle class here in the States, circa 1860-1880 (the first time our country was deeply divided then began healing from Civil War). American time and space is freely chosen and combined however one sees fit, throughout every phase of life for every citizen.
And this also ain't so, all over the world. Furthermore...
On this soil, every person, plant, and animal influences and is influenced by the American quilt. Each one of us is a vessel in which sub-cultures and continuums are carried in an American lifetime. We cannot avoid these continuums, not even those who try. Being a melting pot is culturally and generationally integrating, and the mix is stirred by all of us, every single day. We inform one another with our speech, our dress, and our American smile.
America is mixed, it's messy, it's imperfect and it is an experiment that only lasts as long as we philosophically and behaviorally support its message, 'out of many, one.' And this begs the question, ‘Is it time to drop the neurosis of self-loathing about ourselves as a country, yet?’ To hate one another as Americans is to hate (ourselves) Americans. Yeah, about that neurosis...
We have gotten too reductive with left/right...good/bad...yes/no…fxxk you/fxxk you back.
*yaaaaawwwwwwn*
Perhaps, we can loosen our grip, and the impulse to 'brace' before a conversation begins. We are mostly just everyday folk, and that old funny man to our left is not likely to require anything more of us than a couple of head nods, at Subway. He's just stuck in line, too, having the same experience at the same time with us. It's not like we need to focus because we're flying a plane. Maybe, let interactions land in a space where simple basic differences and our American weirdness make the experience all that it can be, interesting and affable. Easy peasy, like 2012 easy.
Let conversations break open gently then simply follow the natural path, rather than being finicky, or bothered about the smallest passing (no)thing.
If we listen openly with no moralizing
and simply ask others for simple clarification with what befuddles us
then
we each strengthen our interdependence, because (like it or not)
we ARE interdependent, that's how we got this goofy name of ours...
United (many = one) States of America
It's not just me, not just mine, not just this side, but
many, plenty, every, each, numerous, a fxxk ton, copious...
America is every last damn one of us
and that may not feel copacetic somedays, but sis, it's HOME
and simply ask others for simple clarification with what befuddles us
then
we each strengthen our interdependence, because (like it or not)
we ARE interdependent, that's how we got this goofy name of ours...
United (many = one) States of America
It's not just me, not just mine, not just this side, but
many, plenty, every, each, numerous, a fxxk ton, copious...
America is every last damn one of us
and that may not feel copacetic somedays, but sis, it's HOME
pursuit of happiness
American democracy is about to be 250 years old, that's our Semiquincentennial (2026)
Hating this place isn't going to make it better for each other, or for our younger Americans.
The next generation needs our willingness and effort to come together.
Now.
Burnout
According to the World Health Organization, burnout is characterized by three main symptoms: The sustained experience of workplace stress that leaves a person feeling exhausted, negative about their job, and with a reduced professional efficacy.
Basically, it's being worked to the point of being too tired to care.
-
And what about your kids?
For children, the wellbeing of an adult has a direct impact on them. Maturity helps to temper emotions as we navigate through the day to day, but children reflect what they absorb around them; they don't choose to be fearful, loving, or calm. They don't decide what's on the to do list, what their schedule is, or how patient their own parents are. Emotions are often derived from our environments and this translates even more so with children. With these kinds of stressors, people both big and small need empathy, not adversity.
I'm Here to Listen
Because from time to time the past intrudes; so the job of therapy is actually to take you where you are.
I support you with ideas to help reduce stress, then as you relate better to yourself, you relate better with others and actual problems find their right size. Boundary setting, grounding techniques, empathy, and self-care are tools that you develop and the good news is that you already possess these.
With therapy, clarity comes to the surface, bolstering your alternating needs, wishes, and desires. Our weekly explorations locate useful meanings and potential alternatives that work to operate alongside bio-psycho-social and environmental stressors, with accumulated success. In time, you not only feel better; but you develop new coping skills that enable you to feel self-assured about your capabilities.
Problems, misunderstandings, interruptions, and unforeseen changes are always going to be present. It's how you deal with them that makes them what they are.
An on-going helpful frame for therapy is the idea that we're not where we want to be, be we're also not where we used to be.
French philosopher Albert Camus once remarked that writing is ''where one confesses and accuses oneself. It's where we seek out listeners to ourselves of our solitude, despair and guilt." Yup, that sounds familiar. I might add, too, that doing-the-work in therapy brings relief to some of the more unseasonable personal history, and with intentional effort, it wicks away helping you to feel 'clean.'
Because from time to time the past intrudes; so the job of therapy is actually to take you where you are.
I support you with ideas to help reduce stress, then as you relate better to yourself, you relate better with others and actual problems find their right size. Boundary setting, grounding techniques, empathy, and self-care are tools that you develop and the good news is that you already possess these.
With therapy, clarity comes to the surface, bolstering your alternating needs, wishes, and desires. Our weekly explorations locate useful meanings and potential alternatives that work to operate alongside bio-psycho-social and environmental stressors, with accumulated success. In time, you not only feel better; but you develop new coping skills that enable you to feel self-assured about your capabilities.
Problems, misunderstandings, interruptions, and unforeseen changes are always going to be present. It's how you deal with them that makes them what they are.
An on-going helpful frame for therapy is the idea that we're not where we want to be, be we're also not where we used to be.
French philosopher Albert Camus once remarked that writing is ''where one confesses and accuses oneself. It's where we seek out listeners to ourselves of our solitude, despair and guilt." Yup, that sounds familiar. I might add, too, that doing-the-work in therapy brings relief to some of the more unseasonable personal history, and with intentional effort, it wicks away helping you to feel 'clean.'
Americans must protect each other