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LGBTQQIP2SAA+ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Pansexual, Two-Spirit (2S), Androgynous, and Asexual GSM/GSD Gender and Sexual Minorities and Gender and Sexual Diversities GSRM Gender, Sexual, and Relational Minorites MOGAI Marginalized orientations, gender alignments, and intersex
In my life and work within and for the LGBTQIA+, GSM/GSD, GSRM, MOGAI communities since my own coming out at the age of 20, I have seen the challenges that arise with every kind of transition. Whether it's gender affirming surgery, the fluid nature of sexuality, blending families, seeking ways to maintain one's self esteem as we age, or struggling with deeply held religious convictions about sex; there is much beauty and growth to be found that comes out of these trials.
As Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans+, and Queers we have been subjected to sexual and gendered hierarchical 'divisions' (of and between people), whenever we encountered adversity, lack of support, intolerance and various other legal, social, personal and interpersonal challenges in our day to day lives. These divisions have been imposed by our family, partners' families, partner(s), friends, co-workers; federal, state and local governments; social media: comments, symbols, memes, pictures, stories; state and religious leaders, local and national businesses, as well as other LGBTQ people and dominant cultural folk.
I live, love, work, and politic as queer. And, I am a certified specialist who understands the value of affirmative support and care.
Affirmative therapy invites people to honestly express themselves as individuals in these 'hierarchies' that have pre-dated all of us and spliced us into minorites (GSM). In our work together we explore how to update self-narratives more accurately, and then integrate these newly understood complexities with others when we engage them or are engaged by them. We practice articulating self-affirming ideas, personal values, and pro-social behaviors at any given opportunity and this invites each of us to re-enter the broader hierarchical categories of diversities (GSD) as a more fully formed, expressive person who thinks and acts from a place of self-love, rather than from a place of self-loathing, self-promotion, or self-obsession.
To be subjugated over and over by these hierarchies (if they go unchallenged) serves to sustain divisions within us, internally, as we act from either a 'false self' thereby projecting superficial tolerance (conformity); or we act from fear- which looks like submissiveness or anger. Our internal divisions can be identified in our body's responses, such as: sighing, flinching, bracing; in our thoughts (negative feedback loops and rumination), in our emotions (unrelenting despair, agitation, inability to feel hope or joy); and in our behaviors (violence and vitriol).
Together, you and I explore how we in queer culture can begin to dismantle the hierarchies that have oppressed each of us via sex, gender, class, race, (dis)ability and species. In our communities and in our country, these are 'borders' that operate only to divide (yes, even within the LGBT+ and queer cultures). Our work uncovers how we can shamelessly enter into new family situations as partners with children from previous relationships, emerge into more honestly understood versions of self, or communicate with new and old partners within dyadic, triadic, circle (Poly) relationships with integrity, consistency and reliability.
Our therapeutic discussions begin and end with a commmitment to non-violence (including self !) and harm reduction, as we strategize to sincerely communicate to be accurately heard and to genuinely listen to what another person is intending to have understood: be they on-line, in line, or in-person. We are interested in productivity that is not unmovingly invested in oppositional ideas, nor are we interested in policing each other's language/behaviors.
We have got to pull it together, this country is ailing, and it is my belief that as LGBT+ and queers we are the right people to practice tolerance.
Our work together is disinterested in separation, borders, privileging, demeaning or degradating our lovers, neighbors, strangers, animals, environment, fellow travelers, or self. Simply put, this is anarchy without opposition; this is harm-reduction as activism. For one to be free we cannot solely rely on 'this-us/that-them,' as these opposites then require the very thing they are attempting to be rid of. Our work is to blur the lines, diffuse the rigid boxes, and not force ourselves to have to reconcile everything; but rather, begin to practice living with what actually occurs most frequently: the unresolved, the imperfect, and the failed attempt.
To truly feel well, we act with responsibility and, in turn, choices come about and then contexts begin to feel more available, less urgent, and spaciousness grows.
This is an LGBTQIA+ and Sex Positive Space
You and I can explore various strength-based avenues of the coming out process, or we can collaborate approaches for you and your partner to deepen your understanding of who you each are as a sexually mixed orientation couple. We can also discuss sex to assist you (and a partner) in communicating with greater clarity to increase satisfaction: good, giving and game (G.G.G.) (Savage; 2007). I am a sex positive and kink aware clinician. Sex is never 'wrong' or 'bad,' when it is safe, sane, and consensual.
Affirmative therapy supports and engages the emergence of assumed/socialized identities; AFAB, AMAB, UAAB, and/or MtX, FtX, XtX, non-cis, non gender, or bi-gender individuals. It affirms trans youth by supporting kids who speak about and present themselves in ways that are insistent, persistent, and consistent. And Affirmative therapy supports trans peoples' understandings of their own emergence with science. For instance, the World Health Organization (WHO) has a number of chromosomal variation/definitions: XX, XY; only X (monosomic); only Y (monosomic); and the polysomic categories of: XXX, XYY, XXY. Some females are born with XY and some males who are XX. The WHO specifies that 'there are 23 pairs of chromosomes in the human cell.' For more information, please read about monsomy and trisomy effects of sex chromosomes, their tolerances and inactivations. Affirmative therapy also collaborates in ways for us to responsibly reach out, support, and advocate for youth who isolate or withdraw due to safety and shaming concerns at play and at school because they are LGBTQIA+.
Naming Practices: Historically gendered, sexual and relational minorities (GSRM) have been named by the medical and scientific fields in terms that promoted pathology. As GSRM people, we have fought many battles for our right to determine the names by which we call ourselves, in public discourse. Self-labeling is an important aspect to determine one’s own community, social network, and relationships in which same-gender or multi-partner pairing is shared and supported. It helps ensure purposeful meaning, empowerment and group affiliation and, in turn, results as political action.
What we call ourselves, has implications for political practice. Ask any cis or transgender female regardless of ethnicity or sexuality who was coming up in the 1970s what her honorific was and then became, through daily conversations with family, church/temple, school and institutions. This naming practice was repeatedly stated and established specifically by each person from Miss or Mrs. to Ms for those whom this variation felt more textured.
As an LGBTQIA+ affirmative clinician and queer elder, I am here to help support, acknowledge, and assist people who subscribe to any number of the Umbrella Identities, and/or who actively and continuously redefine current ways of sense-making within the realm of queering.
Here are some of the possibilities: Lesbian, WSW, Gay, MSM, Aro/Ace, Gray, Allosexual, Asexual, Queerplatonic/qpr, Bisexual, Transgender, Metagender, Transsexual, Queer, Queer People of Color (QPOC), BlaQ/BlaQueer, Questioning, Queen, Intersex, Androsexual, Ally, Aspec, Butch, Boi, Feminine of Center (FOC), Femmesexual, Gynosexual, Masculine of Center (MOC). —The term MOC acknowledges all breadth and depths of identity for lesbian or queer women, who present with masculinity. It scales and establishes ranging identities, such as: butch, stud, aggressive/AG, dom, macha, tomboi, trans-masculine and more--. Enby, Non-binary, Non-Cis, Neutrois, Trans*, Transmasculine, Transfeminine, Transfag, Tryke, Demi: sexual, gender, boy, girl; Homomasculine, Skoliosexual, Twink, Bear, Dyke, Soft Butch, Pan-Sexual, Solo Polyamory, Singleish, Single & Poly, Pan-Romantic, Poly-Gendered, Pan-Gendered, Bi-gender, XTX, Two-Spirit, John-Sexual, PoMoSexual, Gender non-conforming (GNC), Genderqueer, Genderfluid, Genderfxxk, Fellagirly, Ladyboy, Cisgender, Cissexual, Fluid, Heteroflexible, Girlfag, Guydyke, Slash, Butch, Stud, aggressive/AG, Dom, Macha, Tomboi along with the varieties of personal pronouns such as: They, Their, and Hir ...or... Mr., Ms., Miss., or Mx. just to name a few.
Exploration of self in relationship styles can also begin with reimagined narratives and queer commentaries, such as Xena/Gabrielle, Spock/Kirk, Holmes/Watson.
As queer folk we choose to ‘couple’ in variations from monogamy to open relationships to being non-monogamous to having our place in polycules, constellations or webs. Additionally, language is a vital piece in designing sexual and companioned cultures. Language is dynamic and enlists identification of agreed roles and understandings. Terms such as: significant other, husband, wife, partner, nesting partner, metamour, to more structural terms such as primary, secondary tertiary, quad, circle... all convey who we are in relation to the system we have chosen. And in all of these system designs- ethics- are always recommended. Practicing agreements along with boundaries helps to soften jealousies and envy. When practiced honestly, an internal sense of safety becomes more accessible and manageable. We remain invested in treating others better than we would want to be treated; leading us to find joy in our partner(s) joy. It’s playfully adult, it’s honest and it magnifies a prism delightfully twisted with humility and pride.
Starting our own Biological Families: For many of us, starting our own families is now the focus for lesbian, gay, bi, and trans people. Queer Donors and partners have been coming together in our community for years. This kind of family building requires education, strategy, and commitment. If you are partnered, or a donor who knows partners with whom you may be teaming up with together, I'm pleased to let you know that for over ten years I have worked with a dozen combinations of folk who collaborated to create family. For LGBTQ+ people this decision is never taken lightly and requires extensive research, flexible planning, money for procedures that may require multiple attempts; tenacity, and a large degree of tolerance and readiness with some less than progressive medical staff, schools, and insurance companies. Please click the link below for more details: Queer Partner Assisted Reproduction (Q-PAR) sessions
-- Whether you are seeking therapy to discuss the various areas of self-disclosure, transitioning, integration, parenting, adoption, queering, gender presentation/performativity/variance, (lack of) support issues such as the null environment, or ostracism related to the Charmed Circle (Rubin, 1984) aka mononormativity; you first need a therapist who relates to and understands the multi-cultural and sub-cultural contexts that come with living as an LGBTQIA+ person. Even if you're vanilla.
Self-acceptance is a beneficial topic, as well as, one of the keys along the journey and this establishes a true sense of pride where social bonds are made and maintained (even when conflict occurs from time to time). Shame and hurt, on the other hand, are what we live with when relationships are at risk, and these maintain their hold when we are not interested in cooperation, but rather, are beholden to declaring/enforcing opposites, supporting divisions, and using separation as a boundary instead of agency and insight. The resulting pain serves as a reminder of what was/is authentically desired.
I am here to help you invest in your own potential and well-being and to celebrate the unique individual that you are. If you are an LGBTQQP2SIAA+ client or even if you're SOFFA (significant other, friend, family, ally) you are both the source and a resource to your own happiness and rightful potential. Together, you and I can reduce concerns, improve your sense of self, and deepen your understanding of who you envision yourself to be as a healthy, informed, and contributing youth, adult, or senior member of the Southern California LGBTQQP2SIAA+ community.
I look forward to talking with you.
Affirmatively yours, kj
Kristin F. Jones℠ Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFC # 92360 3611 Seneca Avenue, Los Angeles, Ca, 90039.