Working with individuals and relationships of all varieties
Contact Me
For more information or scheduling
For more information or scheduling
2SLGBTQIA++
Two-Spirit, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual+, Trans+, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, PLUS every/all variation of gender and sexuality
Girlhood: Growing up closeted in the American South of the 20th Century
OUT OF THE CLOSET AND INTO THE STREETS
SELF CONCEIVED
In my life and work with sexually minoritized cultures since my own coming out, beginning at the age of 20 (4th, 5th and 6th photos), I have seen the personal struggles that arise with every kind of transition. Whether it's gender affirming surgery, the fluid nature of sexuality, blending families, seeking ways to maintain one's self esteem as we age, or wrestling with deeply held religious convictions about sex; there is so much happiness that comes out of these trials.
In my life and work with sexually minoritized cultures since my own coming out, beginning at the age of 20 (4th, 5th and 6th photos), I have seen the personal struggles that arise with every kind of transition. Whether it's gender affirming surgery, the fluid nature of sexuality, blending families, seeking ways to maintain one's self esteem as we age, or wrestling with deeply held religious convictions about sex; there is so much happiness that comes out of these trials.
🪲🪲🪲
Gilbert Baker Pride Flag is the eponymous original gay flag created in 1977 at the request of Harvey Milk to represent queer folk. Baker was inspired by the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz's song Over the Rainbow (a place where trouble has been left behind).
PRIDE flags and festivals provide a sense of ritual, anthology, and multigenerational history
PRIDE flags and festivals provide a sense of ritual, anthology, and multigenerational history
Self Acceptance is Social Identity
Affirmative therapy invites people to honestly express themselves as individuals in our amusing civil collectives (hierarchies) that have pre-dated all of us and spliced people like us into minorities.
In our work together, we explore your personal narratives queerly and integrate self-affirming ideas, personal values, and pro-social behaviors in any given opportunity. Session work supports you in American multi-diversities as the fully formed, expressive person you are, who is one that thinks and acts from self-love, rather than from self-loathing, self-promotion, or self-obsession.
Affirmative therapy invites people to honestly express themselves as individuals in our amusing civil collectives (hierarchies) that have pre-dated all of us and spliced people like us into minorities.
In our work together, we explore your personal narratives queerly and integrate self-affirming ideas, personal values, and pro-social behaviors in any given opportunity. Session work supports you in American multi-diversities as the fully formed, expressive person you are, who is one that thinks and acts from self-love, rather than from self-loathing, self-promotion, or self-obsession.
each slice is a minority of a minority
🧬
Social Divisions
have been imposed on Queer people
by our own family, partner's families, partners, friends, co-workers
by federal, state and local governments
in social media comments, symbols, memes, pictures, stories
by state and religious leaders, local and national businesses
and from fellow LGBTQIA people
🧬
Social Divisions
have been imposed on Queer people
by our own family, partner's families, partners, friends, co-workers
by federal, state and local governments
in social media comments, symbols, memes, pictures, stories
by state and religious leaders, local and national businesses
and from fellow LGBTQIA people
Internal Divisions
can be Identified by our
Body Responses
Sighing, Flinching, Bracing, Gripping
⌄
Thoughts
Negative Feedback Loops such as Rumination and Perseveration
⌄
Emotions
Unrelenting Despair, Agitation, Inability to feel Hope or Joy
⌄
Behaviors
Violence and Vitriol
can be Identified by our
Body Responses
Sighing, Flinching, Bracing, Gripping
⌄
Thoughts
Negative Feedback Loops such as Rumination and Perseveration
⌄
Emotions
Unrelenting Despair, Agitation, Inability to feel Hope or Joy
⌄
Behaviors
Violence and Vitriol
Minoritized Groups
Historically, non-white and non-straight people have been 'grouped' and devalued in American society. This devaluing has encompassed how people in these apportioned groups get represented and the degree to which they (we) have access to resources. Basically, minoritizing people rationalizes unequal access. Traditionally, groups designated in this position have been referred to as a minority (n) group. Now, in the 2020s, accurate language usage encourages the term minoritized (v) to better capture the active dynamics that create and, therefore, attempt to assign lower societal status to specific groups.
This terminology (shifting a noun to a verb) specifically signals that a group’s status is not necessarily related to how many or few in numbers there are of a given group in the population at large. It is used as a means to identify a dominant class subordinating persons as groups.
Historically, non-white and non-straight people have been 'grouped' and devalued in American society. This devaluing has encompassed how people in these apportioned groups get represented and the degree to which they (we) have access to resources. Basically, minoritizing people rationalizes unequal access. Traditionally, groups designated in this position have been referred to as a minority (n) group. Now, in the 2020s, accurate language usage encourages the term minoritized (v) to better capture the active dynamics that create and, therefore, attempt to assign lower societal status to specific groups.
This terminology (shifting a noun to a verb) specifically signals that a group’s status is not necessarily related to how many or few in numbers there are of a given group in the population at large. It is used as a means to identify a dominant class subordinating persons as groups.
QUEER HISTORY BEAT
Did you know
The AIDS crisis is where the seeds of Marriage Equality begin...
The AIDS crisis is where the seeds of Marriage Equality begin...
We were losing our lovers and partners and had no legal access to them as they died or were hospitalized; we then had no rights to our own houses, our own monies, our joined keepsakes, our pets, or our dignity that we had created together
AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP) 1987
Our work uncovers how you can shamelessly enter into new kin situations and emerge, remaining as honest versions of yourself.
These therapeutic discussions begin and end with a commitment to non-violence (including self !) and harm reduction, as we strategize to sincerely communicate and genuinely listen to what another person is intending to have understood, be they on-line, in line, or in-person. Feeling queerly-better shows interest in productivity that is not unmovingly invested in oppositional ideas, nor is it hellbent on paternalism. You do you, darling.
What I have encountered is that many LGBTQIA+ people have a lived-understanding of what it means to be harmed. If were aren't the people to pause and get our wits about us, then who is?
⌘⌘⌘
All Session work is drawn from your actual life with its day to day specific musings, general concerns, and aspirations.
There is no one who comes to me to speak solely about sex or gender
It's therapy!
All Session work is drawn from your actual life with its day to day specific musings, general concerns, and aspirations.
There is no one who comes to me to speak solely about sex or gender
It's therapy!
This is an LGBTQIA+ and Sex Positive Space
Our work together is disinterested in separation, borders, privileging, demeaning or degradating our lovers, neighbors, strangers, animals, environment, fellow travelers, or self. Simply put, this is anarchy without opposition; this is harm-reduction as activism. For one to be free we cannot solely rely on 'this-us/that-them,' as these opposites then require the very thing they are attempting to be rid of. Our work is to blur the lines, diffuse the rigid boxes, and not force ourselves to have to reconcile everything; but rather, begin to practice living with what actually occurs most frequently; the unresolved, the imperfect, and the failed attempt.
To truly feel well, we act with responsibility and, in turn, choices come about and then contexts begin to feel more available, less urgent, and spaciousness grows.
To truly feel well, we act with responsibility and, in turn, choices come about and then contexts begin to feel more available, less urgent, and spaciousness grows.
You and I can explore various strength-based avenues of the coming out process, or we can collaborate approaches for you and your partner to deepen your understanding of who you each are as a sexually mixed orientation couple. We can also discuss sex to assist you and a partner in communicating with greater clarity to increase satisfaction, or being GGG: Good, Giving and Game (Savage; 2007)
THE FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES of SEX
Safe = identifying risks to health
Sane = sensible mind frame
Consensual = full consent of all parties
Sane = sensible mind frame
Consensual = full consent of all parties
⌒
I am a Sex Positive and Poly Affirmative clinician.
Sex is never 'wrong' or 'bad,' when it is Safe, Sane, and Consensual
I am a Sex Positive and Poly Affirmative clinician.
Sex is never 'wrong' or 'bad,' when it is Safe, Sane, and Consensual
⎯ MODEL OF CONSENT ⎯
Emily Nagoski
Emily Nagoski
ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT
When I want you.
When I don't fear the consequences of saying yes, or saying no.
When saying no means missing out on something I want.
When I want you.
When I don't fear the consequences of saying yes, or saying no.
When saying no means missing out on something I want.
WILLING CONSENT
When I care about you, though, I don't desire you (right now).
When I'm pretty sure saying yes will have an OK result, and I think maybe that I'd regret saying no.
When I believe that desire may begin after I say yes.
When I care about you, though, I don't desire you (right now).
When I'm pretty sure saying yes will have an OK result, and I think maybe that I'd regret saying no.
When I believe that desire may begin after I say yes.
UNWILLING CONSENT
When I fear the consequences of saying no more than I fear the consequences of saying yes.
When I feel not just an absence of desire, but an absence of desire for desire.
When I hope that by saying yes, you will stop bothering me, or think that if I say no, you'll only keep on trying to persuade me.
When I fear the consequences of saying no more than I fear the consequences of saying yes.
When I feel not just an absence of desire, but an absence of desire for desire.
When I hope that by saying yes, you will stop bothering me, or think that if I say no, you'll only keep on trying to persuade me.
COERCED CONSENT
When you threaten me with harmful consequences if I say no.
When I feel I'll be hurt if I say yes, but I'll be hurt more if I say no.
When saying yes means experiencing something I actively dread.
When you threaten me with harmful consequences if I say no.
When I feel I'll be hurt if I say yes, but I'll be hurt more if I say no.
When saying yes means experiencing something I actively dread.
I am queer, specialized and certified in LGBTQIA+, and am also an AAMFT member who enlists these guidelines
Gender Expansive Folk
ꐕ
Authenticity is the Pilgrimage of Self-Fidelity
Gender Expansive Folk
ꐕ
Authenticity is the Pilgrimage of Self-Fidelity
Life Long Queer &
Certified Affirmative specialist
Affirmative therapy supports and engages emergence from assumed or socialized identities: Transgender and Gender Nonbinary (TGNB), Transgender and Gender Nonconforming (TGNC), Transgender and Gender Diverse (TGD); trans kids who have been AGAB, AFAB, AMAB; as well as non-cis, non-gender, or bi-gender individuals. For youngsters, it affirms trans youth by supporting kids in early childhood who speak about and present themselves in ways that are insistent, persistent, and consistent. And for relationships, it respects and acknowledges the value of trans for trans (T4T) partnerships. But, this is only the beginning.
STARTERS, OPTIONS, SAMPLING
For people who want to explore transitioning, we work on the foundational supports (if preferred) with timelines, plans, financial costs and resourcing, such as, How to Come Out... to whom... when and what affordable support will be needed before and after coming out, or before and after surgeries. Of course, some clients do not feel a need to transition in any social or physical form, and this is fully respected and supported. Informed Consent Treatment is an option for those who prefer to try hormones to determine benefits and risks and see what's (not) right for them. As with most things, having to be certain the first time about your life choices is not and never will be a requirement in our work together for you to access various information about what feels right to or for you. We want to explore and test drive as many avenues as make sense to you along this process. Exploration is our objective, and by framing determination, ambivalence, hesitancy, or changing your mind (even more than once!) it reinforces the goal of self-efficacy as we uncover new developments about self-concept, hormones, and self-identification. There are infinite ways to transition, and it can take several attempts that weren't previously understood.
Keeping fluidity in mind, allows you to cognitively rehearse every considered choice with minimal shame. Folk don't tend to buy the first car they see. House purchases, entertainment systems, beds, etc. are each researched, imagined, engaged and played with to educate us about what feels like a match. So as with decisions and choices regarding transitioning, you will read, watch videos, buy books, ask friends, discuss in groups or chats, and try out the varieties of anything that you might want to suss out.
I'M READY, LET'S GO!
For those who feel that more specific approaches better determine who they are, we explore Social (interpersonal), Legal (name, gender marker, government documents), or Medical* (hormones, electrolysis, prosthetics, surgery) transitioning. Some people call their transitioning a journey so as not to delineate any sections or linearity of time.*Transmedicalism or transmed (noun) is a belief held by some trans folk that being transgender is contingent on experience and gender dysphoria (see gender euphoria below), as well as undergoing medical treatment and transitioning. Trans Gender Diverse (TGD) communities are vast and varied. For those who hold this essentialist belief in gender dysphoria, they may be referred to colloquially by other TGD people.
Trans Care is Healthcare
Currently, 21 states restrict access to transcare as of July, 2023. The actual estimate of trans people in the United States is 0.6% of the US population, which is 1.6 million people according to Dr. Marci Bowers, MD, President (WPATH).
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I am certified in Affirmative Therapy with a Specialization in LGBTQIA+ populations and follow APA guidelines, the ALGBTIC competencies, and the WPATH Standards of Care. For clients who 'don't know' about their gender identity and are in the questioning position and interested in digging a little deeper, I might ask things along these lines: How do you embody and affirm gender? What makes you feel most like your fully embodied self? What forms of transitioning at this time are part of your path?
The intent of our conversations arches towards what feels most correct (socially, physically, cognitively) to you. Some refer to this 'alignment' as gender euphoria, the opposite of dysphoria. However, people vary and some may relate to or lean towards both euphoria or dysphoria; having experienced one more than the other in the past...or may experience one, more so, than the other in the days up ahead. Gender Euphoria describes when a person feels true or faithful in their presentation, or perception of self. It is genuinely a delightful sense of self.
Please NOTE:
I am cis female and respectfully support trans clients if their preference is to start from the jump working with a trans therapist. I totally get that in the therapeutic work about your gender identity, nothing is up to me as a therapist. I am not a gate keeper. I am not a standard bearer. Your body and your sense of self is not based on my approval or any other cis person's idea of what makes a human being a human being; not the state, not the medical board, not the church, and definitely no TERF: governor, teacher, coach, or local city/county clerk.
If you choose to switch to a trans therapist, I will be happy to refer other therapists in Southern California to you, who are not cis. Fit matters, always. always. always. As I stated above, we as queers are not interested in hierarchies, oppression, or policing.
--
Bio-essentialism and variations*
Affirmative therapy supports transgender diverse peoples' understandings of their own emergence, in part, with chromosomes as opposed to social constructs. For instance, the World Health Organization (WHO) has a number of chromosomal variation definitions: XX, XY; only X (monosomic); only Y (monosomic); and the polysomic categories of: XXX, XYY, XXY. Some females are born with XY and some males who are XX. The WHO specifies that 'there are 23 pairs of chromosomes in the human cell.' For more information, read about monsomy and trisomy effects of sex chromosomes, their tolerances and inactivations.
Intersex* is the umbrella for variations of genitals, gonads, hormones, chromosomes and reproductive organs.
Patiently allowing (yet another) femme to doll me up (2013)
Gender Expansive Youth
Affirmative therapy also collaborates in ways for us to responsibly reach out, support, and advocate for youth who isolate or withdraw due to safety and shaming concerns at play and at school because they are LGBTQIA+. For instance, the normative developmental tasks of many transgender or non-binary folk may be complicated or compromised by self identity and/or sexuality confusion, anxiety and depression, suicidal ideation and behavior, non-suicidal self-injury, substance abuse, academic failure, homelessness, survival sex, internalized transphobia (cissexism), STD/HIV infection, addiction, and other mental health challenges.
Transgender Seniors
Affirmative therapy understands that the typical developmental tasks of transgender seniors are often complicated or compromised by social isolation and invisibility. In addition, medical problems, transgender-related health concerns, family-of-origin conflicts, and limited career options, especially for those with developmental disabilities are often present for Elder trans+ folk (ALGBTIC 2009).
Letters of Support for Gender Affirming Surgery
For on-going clients with whom I have been working and know their triumphs, struggles, goals and self-regard, I am available to offer these. Why trans+ clients are subjected to this level of scrutiny and oversight when other people having physiologically affirming surgeries do not require a letter, is unconscionable. Period.
However, until we can eliminate trans bias in the medical field, I'm happy to write support letters with enthusiasm, sincerity, and conviction.
Affirmative therapy also collaborates in ways for us to responsibly reach out, support, and advocate for youth who isolate or withdraw due to safety and shaming concerns at play and at school because they are LGBTQIA+. For instance, the normative developmental tasks of many transgender or non-binary folk may be complicated or compromised by self identity and/or sexuality confusion, anxiety and depression, suicidal ideation and behavior, non-suicidal self-injury, substance abuse, academic failure, homelessness, survival sex, internalized transphobia (cissexism), STD/HIV infection, addiction, and other mental health challenges.
Transgender Seniors
Affirmative therapy understands that the typical developmental tasks of transgender seniors are often complicated or compromised by social isolation and invisibility. In addition, medical problems, transgender-related health concerns, family-of-origin conflicts, and limited career options, especially for those with developmental disabilities are often present for Elder trans+ folk (ALGBTIC 2009).
Letters of Support for Gender Affirming Surgery
For on-going clients with whom I have been working and know their triumphs, struggles, goals and self-regard, I am available to offer these. Why trans+ clients are subjected to this level of scrutiny and oversight when other people having physiologically affirming surgeries do not require a letter, is unconscionable. Period.
However, until we can eliminate trans bias in the medical field, I'm happy to write support letters with enthusiasm, sincerity, and conviction.
✧
Queer Culture
Competent Care is Orientation Affirming
Queer Culture
Competent Care is Orientation Affirming
Naming Practices
Historically sexual, gendered and relational minorities (SGRM) have been named by the medical and scientific fields in terms that promoted pathology. As SGRM people, we have fought many battles for our right to determine the names by which we call ourselves, in public discourse. Self-labeling is an important aspect to determine one’s own community, social network, and relationships in which same-gender or multi-partner pairing is shared and supported. It helps ensure purposeful meaning, empowerment and group affiliation and, in turn, results as political action.
As an LGBTQIA+ affirmative clinician and queer elder, I am here to help support, acknowledge, and assist people who subscribe to any number of the umbrella Identities, and who actively and continuously redefine current ways of sense-making within the realm of queering.
A Word about Queer Linguistics
The queer sociosexual landscape changes every single day. Our language reflects this, with it being dynamic and political, right down to the order of letters of any acronym. In a given moment you can be the first to slice off a pitch perfect word/letter combo that describes the exact 16th of an inch by which you exist, while simultaneously being deemed oppressive, violent, or wrong by tomorrow's queer wordsmith. This is us. Kwir descriptors make up a bullet train of quippy formulas carrying alphabet soup.
Historically sexual, gendered and relational minorities (SGRM) have been named by the medical and scientific fields in terms that promoted pathology. As SGRM people, we have fought many battles for our right to determine the names by which we call ourselves, in public discourse. Self-labeling is an important aspect to determine one’s own community, social network, and relationships in which same-gender or multi-partner pairing is shared and supported. It helps ensure purposeful meaning, empowerment and group affiliation and, in turn, results as political action.
As an LGBTQIA+ affirmative clinician and queer elder, I am here to help support, acknowledge, and assist people who subscribe to any number of the umbrella Identities, and who actively and continuously redefine current ways of sense-making within the realm of queering.
A Word about Queer Linguistics
The queer sociosexual landscape changes every single day. Our language reflects this, with it being dynamic and political, right down to the order of letters of any acronym. In a given moment you can be the first to slice off a pitch perfect word/letter combo that describes the exact 16th of an inch by which you exist, while simultaneously being deemed oppressive, violent, or wrong by tomorrow's queer wordsmith. This is us. Kwir descriptors make up a bullet train of quippy formulas carrying alphabet soup.
daily
Just remember we have a long history of this, it ain't personal, but it is, but not for long, because so much naming is just a drive by.
The Progress Pride Flag
Cultural identity...
is a matter of 'becoming' as well as of 'being.' It belongs to the future as much as to the past. It is not something which already exists, transcending place, time, history, and culture. Cultural identities come from somewhere, have histories. But, like everything which is historical, they undergo constant trans-formation
-Stuart Hall
Lots of queers enjoy their sexuality,
who also consider SEX to be much less important
"Every Dyke is a Hero, Just Being Herself." A comic drawn by Leslie Ewing published in the program guide for the March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay, and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation, 1990
Lesbian Pride Flag
▫️Queer Commentaries
depict Devoted Caring Relationships▫️
non exclusive, non amorous, queer platonic, adult care networks that challenge Amatonormativty
Xena and Gabrielle
Spock and Kirk
Celie and Shug
Akira Hino and Taeko Nagafuji
depict Devoted Caring Relationships▫️
non exclusive, non amorous, queer platonic, adult care networks that challenge Amatonormativty
Xena and Gabrielle
Spock and Kirk
Celie and Shug
Akira Hino and Taeko Nagafuji
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|
Harold Norse says, “Poetry meant being a sissy and worse. A fairy.
A friend of mine once asked me why all poets were fairies. Well, I answered, that's because they can fly”
🔰
A friend of mine once asked me why all poets were fairies. Well, I answered, that's because they can fly”
🔰
Companioned Cultures
As queer folk we choose to ‘couple’ in variations from monogamy to open relationships to being non-monogamous to having our place in polycules, constellations or webs. Additionally, language is a vital piece in designing sexual and companioned cultures. Language (queer linguistics) is dynamic and enlists identification of agreed roles and understandings.
Terms such as: significant other, husband, wife, partner, nesting partner, metamour, to more structural terms such as primary, co-primary, secondary tertiary, quad, circle... all convey who we are in relation to the system we have chosen. And in all of these system designs, ethics are understood to be subjective, and if established (by all) they work best when agreed upon by all. For the Ethnical Non-Monogamy (ENM) folk who prefer hierarchies, there are two types. Descriptive hierarchies establish the current level of engagement, whereas prescriptive hierarchies state who each person is now and in the future. Practicing agreements along with boundaries helps to soften jealousies and envy, polyfidelity is one form of boundary that closes the triad. Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) and Relationship Anarchy (RA) each have no interest in hierarchy, with partners in these mixes feeling it's too oppressive. With CNM, partners consider 'infidelity' to be absence of consent. RAs situate themselves more specifically by their needs and desires thereby abandoning structure, labels, rules or expectations. In this model, the three C's are utilized: Customize (i.e., sexual partners vs romantic partners, or caregiving which might be unidirectional vs emotional support which might be bidirectional), Communicate (i.e., emotional changes, sexual practices), Create Space (i.e., allowing connections to develop and change...) In all of the above, practicing agreements honestly permits (a)sexual, (a)romantic, or queer platonic people to feel an internal sense of safety, specifically when accessibility and manageability are exercised willingly and collectively. We remain invested in treating others better than we would want to be treated; leading us to find joy in our partner(s) joy. It’s playfully adult, it’s honest and it magnifies a prism delightfully twisted with humility and pride.
I am poly and altsex affirmative and can help with clarifying limits and consent, time management, self care for monos, being solo, discussing boundaries with consent, such as, sobriety; talking respectfully through jealousy, etc.
-
Starting our own Biological Families:
For many of us, starting our own families is now the focus for lesbian, gay, bi, and trans people. Queer Donors and partners have been coming together in our community for years. This kind of family building requires education, strategy, and commitment. If you are partnered, or a donor who knows partners with whom you may be teaming up with together, I'm pleased to let you know that I have worked with a dozen combinations of folk who collaborated to create family. For LGBTQIA+ people this decision is never taken lightly and requires extensive research, flexible planning, money for procedures that may require multiple attempts; tenacity, and a large degree of tolerance and readiness with some less than progressive medical staff, schools, and insurance companies.
As queer folk we choose to ‘couple’ in variations from monogamy to open relationships to being non-monogamous to having our place in polycules, constellations or webs. Additionally, language is a vital piece in designing sexual and companioned cultures. Language (queer linguistics) is dynamic and enlists identification of agreed roles and understandings.
Terms such as: significant other, husband, wife, partner, nesting partner, metamour, to more structural terms such as primary, co-primary, secondary tertiary, quad, circle... all convey who we are in relation to the system we have chosen. And in all of these system designs, ethics are understood to be subjective, and if established (by all) they work best when agreed upon by all. For the Ethnical Non-Monogamy (ENM) folk who prefer hierarchies, there are two types. Descriptive hierarchies establish the current level of engagement, whereas prescriptive hierarchies state who each person is now and in the future. Practicing agreements along with boundaries helps to soften jealousies and envy, polyfidelity is one form of boundary that closes the triad. Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) and Relationship Anarchy (RA) each have no interest in hierarchy, with partners in these mixes feeling it's too oppressive. With CNM, partners consider 'infidelity' to be absence of consent. RAs situate themselves more specifically by their needs and desires thereby abandoning structure, labels, rules or expectations. In this model, the three C's are utilized: Customize (i.e., sexual partners vs romantic partners, or caregiving which might be unidirectional vs emotional support which might be bidirectional), Communicate (i.e., emotional changes, sexual practices), Create Space (i.e., allowing connections to develop and change...) In all of the above, practicing agreements honestly permits (a)sexual, (a)romantic, or queer platonic people to feel an internal sense of safety, specifically when accessibility and manageability are exercised willingly and collectively. We remain invested in treating others better than we would want to be treated; leading us to find joy in our partner(s) joy. It’s playfully adult, it’s honest and it magnifies a prism delightfully twisted with humility and pride.
I am poly and altsex affirmative and can help with clarifying limits and consent, time management, self care for monos, being solo, discussing boundaries with consent, such as, sobriety; talking respectfully through jealousy, etc.
-
Starting our own Biological Families:
For many of us, starting our own families is now the focus for lesbian, gay, bi, and trans people. Queer Donors and partners have been coming together in our community for years. This kind of family building requires education, strategy, and commitment. If you are partnered, or a donor who knows partners with whom you may be teaming up with together, I'm pleased to let you know that I have worked with a dozen combinations of folk who collaborated to create family. For LGBTQIA+ people this decision is never taken lightly and requires extensive research, flexible planning, money for procedures that may require multiple attempts; tenacity, and a large degree of tolerance and readiness with some less than progressive medical staff, schools, and insurance companies.
Whether you are Seeking Therapy to Discuss:
Exploration of Compulsory Sexuality in Western Cultures that lack genuine Cultural Sensitivity
Heterosexism and its younger sibling Cissexism
Ostracism related to the Charmed Circle queerly known as Mononormativity
Amatonormativity (link) The sacrifice of non-romantic/non-marriage relationships, relegating friendship and solitudinousness to cultural invisibility
Shunning
Pursuit of Orientation Affirming Services
Self-Disclosure as trust building
Coming Out as safety building
Categorical Identities/Complex Representations: Examining the unresolved, where sensibility suits a Transhistorical Font of Culture
Safety Planning: discrimination, risk for HIV infection, suicide, or homelessness
The Variations of Queer Experience circulating in Cultural Historicity
Queering
Identity Formation and Identity Foreclosure with sex and gender
Ambiamory
Poly, ENM, CNM, RA coupling
Need to Know vs. Need to Share: finding the sweet spot between sharing and protecting information in coupling agreements
Languaging (queer linguistics and socio linguistics)
The Pros or Cons of Marriage Equality or the profound comprehension of Misogamy (link) --ask a divorcee!
LGBTI and Queer History and How Race and Sexuality have been intricately tied since Cultures began
Lack of Support: the Null Environment (link).
Transmisogynoir
Queer Parenting and Institutional Bias
Bearing Sorrow, Having Fun (ain't just for sweet Melissa)
Exploration of Compulsory Sexuality in Western Cultures that lack genuine Cultural Sensitivity
Heterosexism and its younger sibling Cissexism
Ostracism related to the Charmed Circle queerly known as Mononormativity
Amatonormativity (link) The sacrifice of non-romantic/non-marriage relationships, relegating friendship and solitudinousness to cultural invisibility
Shunning
Pursuit of Orientation Affirming Services
Self-Disclosure as trust building
Coming Out as safety building
Categorical Identities/Complex Representations: Examining the unresolved, where sensibility suits a Transhistorical Font of Culture
Safety Planning: discrimination, risk for HIV infection, suicide, or homelessness
The Variations of Queer Experience circulating in Cultural Historicity
Queering
Identity Formation and Identity Foreclosure with sex and gender
Ambiamory
Poly, ENM, CNM, RA coupling
Need to Know vs. Need to Share: finding the sweet spot between sharing and protecting information in coupling agreements
Languaging (queer linguistics and socio linguistics)
The Pros or Cons of Marriage Equality or the profound comprehension of Misogamy (link) --ask a divorcee!
LGBTI and Queer History and How Race and Sexuality have been intricately tied since Cultures began
Lack of Support: the Null Environment (link).
Transmisogynoir
Queer Parenting and Institutional Bias
Bearing Sorrow, Having Fun (ain't just for sweet Melissa)
As a therapist person
I relate to daily queer living and am also someone who fully understands the dynamics of
queer language, vibrancy of culture, subcultural nuances and contexts that come with
being an American LGBTQIA+ person because
I am not merely queer adjacent, allied, or LGBTQIA positive
I AM a lifelong QUEER
🦚
Queer Pride Flag
Self-Acceptance (reprise)
Is a beneficial topic, as well as, one of the keys along the journey and this establishes a true sense of pride where social bonds are made and maintained even when conflict occurs from time to time. Shame and hurt, on the other hand, are what we live with when relationships are at risk, and these maintain their hold when we are not interested in cooperation, but rather, are beholden to declaring and enforcing opposites, supporting divisions, and using separation as a boundary instead of agency and insight.
The resulting pain serves as a reminder of what was and is authentically desired.
I am here to help you invest in your own potential and well-being and to celebrate the unique individual that you are. If you are LGBTQQP2SIAA+ you are both the source and a resource to your own happiness and rightful potential. Together, you and I can reduce concerns, improve your sense of self, and deepen your understanding of who you envision yourself to be as a healthy, informed, and contributing youth, adult, or senior member in California LGBTQQP2SIAA+ communities.
Is a beneficial topic, as well as, one of the keys along the journey and this establishes a true sense of pride where social bonds are made and maintained even when conflict occurs from time to time. Shame and hurt, on the other hand, are what we live with when relationships are at risk, and these maintain their hold when we are not interested in cooperation, but rather, are beholden to declaring and enforcing opposites, supporting divisions, and using separation as a boundary instead of agency and insight.
The resulting pain serves as a reminder of what was and is authentically desired.
I am here to help you invest in your own potential and well-being and to celebrate the unique individual that you are. If you are LGBTQQP2SIAA+ you are both the source and a resource to your own happiness and rightful potential. Together, you and I can reduce concerns, improve your sense of self, and deepen your understanding of who you envision yourself to be as a healthy, informed, and contributing youth, adult, or senior member in California LGBTQQP2SIAA+ communities.
The first official Gay organization founded March 12, 1987 to bring attention to the AIDS epidemic
Postcard advertising ACT UP’s same-sex kiss-in event to challenge homophobia during the AIDS crisis, created by Gran Fury, May 1988
LGBTQ activist organization founded in March 20, 1990 in New York City, by HIV/AIDS activists from ACT UP
Since the 1980s, one of my sisters was concerned that I would get 'gay bashed.' I naïvely believed that lesbians were not so much at risk for this. Her abiding disquiet eventually proved correct. I was attacked and severely beaten very late one night in the early aughts. After the assault, I was full of paralysis and fright. I agonized over a vexing question, who am I now? The shrill hate filled howl in my attacker's voice and his intemperate fists had turned me into a chattering knot. From that life altering experience, I knew there was no great place to get to. I was already here, feeling every moment which had taken me from severity to sensitivity and from action to inaction. Twenty something years later, I genuinely understand that we lose from time to time ...and that viability is legitimacy, itself. I am still a pacifist, although this trudging endurance has forged a champion inside of me.
Kristin F Jones, LMFT (Clearing: PTSD and Elsewhere, 2023)
joie de vivre
For many people who have been physically attacked,
trying to 'move on' without creating change would be impossible ⎯
trying to 'move on' without creating change would be impossible ⎯
Queer Nation, "Take Back the Night March" NYC, 1990
The Department of Homeland Security warns that violence against LGBTQ+ people is on the rise and intensifying, resulting in members of our community being 9 times more likely to be victims of violent hate crime (and see the actual data in the research link below)
Hate crimes against LGBT people: National Crime Victimization Survey, 2017-2019
Hate crimes against LGBT people: National Crime Victimization Survey, 2017-2019
QUEER ELDER: I lost countless friends during the AIDS crisis, and to drugs and alcohol, and sadly to suicide. Being queer in this country has brought immense pain to nearly every one of us who are LGBTQIA. I am a proud lesbian and certified Affirmative Therapist, who works in honor of those beautiful lives lost and with whom I had the luck to live among when they roamed. May every LGBTQIA+ child, adult, and elder stand tall. Pride is something you carry in your body when you have had to survive and beat the odds on a daily basis. As to wearing Birkenstocks… Well, I've been doing that since 1979. It was a clue that even my mother picked up on.
If they’re going to be loud with their hate,
we’re going to be louder with our love
- Latrice Royale
-
Americans must protect each other
respect human rights
If they’re going to be loud with their hate,
we’re going to be louder with our love
- Latrice Royale
-
Americans must protect each other
respect human rights