It's the importance
Kristin F Jones LMFT
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READING & RESOURCES
All Book recommendations below are link-free. This way, you can purchase from your favorite local book seller.
All other (non-literary) links are Active
California Library Branch Directory (file is large and will take a few moments to load)
GRIEF Books
How to Live When a Loved One Dies by Thich Nhat Hanh
No Death, No Fear: Comforting Wisdom for Life by Thich Nhat Hanh
Its Okay that You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine
How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief by Megan Devine
The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Ritual of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller
African American Grief (Series in Death, Dying, and Bereavement) by Paul C Rosenblatt, Beverly R Wallace
Healing the Adult Sibling's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After your Brother or Sister Dies by Alan D Wolfelt, PhD
Grieving While Black: An Anti-Racist Take on Oppression and Sorrow by Breeshia Wade
Mourning Nature: Hope at the Heart of Ecological Loss and Grief by Ashlee Cunsolo
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman
Mourning Diary by Roland Barthes
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
A Matter of Death and Life by Dr. Irving D. Yalom and Marilyn Yalom
Poems of Mourning by Everyman's Library Pocket Poet Series
Through A Glass Darkly (link)
Miriam Greenspan On Moving From Grief To Gratitude
By Barbara Platek
Suicide Prevention Hotlines Los Angeles Department of Public Health (link)
How to Live When a Loved One Dies by Thich Nhat Hanh
No Death, No Fear: Comforting Wisdom for Life by Thich Nhat Hanh
Its Okay that You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine
How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief by Megan Devine
The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Ritual of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller
African American Grief (Series in Death, Dying, and Bereavement) by Paul C Rosenblatt, Beverly R Wallace
Healing the Adult Sibling's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After your Brother or Sister Dies by Alan D Wolfelt, PhD
Grieving While Black: An Anti-Racist Take on Oppression and Sorrow by Breeshia Wade
Mourning Nature: Hope at the Heart of Ecological Loss and Grief by Ashlee Cunsolo
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman
Mourning Diary by Roland Barthes
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
A Matter of Death and Life by Dr. Irving D. Yalom and Marilyn Yalom
Poems of Mourning by Everyman's Library Pocket Poet Series
Through A Glass Darkly (link)
Miriam Greenspan On Moving From Grief To Gratitude
By Barbara Platek
Suicide Prevention Hotlines Los Angeles Department of Public Health (link)
∙∙∙
LIVING Books
Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus
The Unfinished system of Nonknowledge by Georges Bataille
The Language of the Self: The Function of Language in Psychoanalysis by Jacques Lacan
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
To Build a Fire by Jack London (short story)
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
Self-Reliance and Other Essays by Ralph Waldo Emerson
Annie Allen by Gwendolyn Brooks
The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron
Notes on Camp by Susan Sontag
Ways of Seeing by John Berger
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder
The Trumpet of Conscience by Martin Luther King, Jr
The Universe is a Green Dragon by Brian Swimme
Call Us What We Carry by Amanda Gorman
How to Sit by Thich Nhat Hanh
Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Living for Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus
The Unfinished system of Nonknowledge by Georges Bataille
The Language of the Self: The Function of Language in Psychoanalysis by Jacques Lacan
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
To Build a Fire by Jack London (short story)
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
Self-Reliance and Other Essays by Ralph Waldo Emerson
Annie Allen by Gwendolyn Brooks
The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron
Notes on Camp by Susan Sontag
Ways of Seeing by John Berger
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder
The Trumpet of Conscience by Martin Luther King, Jr
The Universe is a Green Dragon by Brian Swimme
Call Us What We Carry by Amanda Gorman
How to Sit by Thich Nhat Hanh
Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Living for Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness by Jon Kabat-Zinn
☼
I began the Reading & Resources with grief books because we and this world are all ailing.
Grief naturally converts into the withdrawal of optional energy. Daily active-grieving reorganizes and ultimately reinvests this energy, distilling hard to grasp or painful emotions into manageable proportions. When we actively grieve the heart space feels more spacious, and our available receptivity gets reapplied to other meaningful relationships. All of this is to say, intentional grief work serves as a wellspring. When practiced, it continuously supplies fresh meaning about who we are, even given our struggles. It keeps the heart space tender and supple.
And with that, let’s get to the resources that support our lives here in the City of Los Angeles
Grief naturally converts into the withdrawal of optional energy. Daily active-grieving reorganizes and ultimately reinvests this energy, distilling hard to grasp or painful emotions into manageable proportions. When we actively grieve the heart space feels more spacious, and our available receptivity gets reapplied to other meaningful relationships. All of this is to say, intentional grief work serves as a wellspring. When practiced, it continuously supplies fresh meaning about who we are, even given our struggles. It keeps the heart space tender and supple.
And with that, let’s get to the resources that support our lives here in the City of Los Angeles
LIFE in the City of Angels and Mental Health
As we age, the health of our bodies and minds is directly impacted by stimulation. The more engaged all of our senses are in activities, the more our brain and cognitive abilities function at an efficient rate. Areas such as memory, thinking, attention, reasoning skills and temperament stay strong and intact. Cognitively stimulating activities enhance our cognitive reserve, period. Research indicates that novelty, variety, level of engagement, cognitive challenges and degree of enjoyment improve brain function (See Brain Health below)
Our city is so varied from its urban forestry to the endless selections of beaches, museums, cafes, restaurants, skate parks, mountains, sporting events, cultural events, history, and plethora of iconic landmarks just to name a few...GET OUT INTO THE CITY and play!
Any Book recommendations below are link-free. All other links are active.
Our city is so varied from its urban forestry to the endless selections of beaches, museums, cafes, restaurants, skate parks, mountains, sporting events, cultural events, history, and plethora of iconic landmarks just to name a few...GET OUT INTO THE CITY and play!
Any Book recommendations below are link-free. All other links are active.
Living in the City of Angels BEAUTY...
Living in the City of Angels MUSIC
Lost Record Stores: archival map of lost independent record stores in Los Angeles from 1954 to present
Living in the City of Angels PRIDE...
PHOTO BY RON NIEBRUGGE
BRAIN HEALTH
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EMOTIONS
Wheel of Emotions, interactive (Plutchick)
Theory of Emotion, William James
Rule of Thumb:
A feeling tends to be a word and a thought tends to be a description. If you are attempting to understand yourself or another, notice what is said. Oftentimes, people cannot understand themselves because they have not started with the basics: How do I feel? One word. And then you can combine from there. Internal feelings tend to describe our disposition and not our situation.
A feeling tends to be a word and a thought tends to be a description. If you are attempting to understand yourself or another, notice what is said. Oftentimes, people cannot understand themselves because they have not started with the basics: How do I feel? One word. And then you can combine from there. Internal feelings tend to describe our disposition and not our situation.
☺︎ ☹︎
MEDITATION
Self Compassion is a better indicator of Happiness than Self Esteem
Self Compassion is a better indicator of Happiness than Self Esteem
Insight LA Los Feliz
⍇ ⍈
DISORDERS
Below is a multitude of information about the more generalized disorders and how they impact people. To treat some disorders, such as neurodevelopmental, neurocognitive, dissociative, eating, sleep, and psychotic disorders; these typically involve a specialization with more specific training and for some, the collaboration of an MD, and are therefore not listed. Personality disorders are also purposely not listed, as well. Diagnostics require a full mental health exam and detailed assessment along with the client's history and presentation in real time, over a period of time. Diagnosing is not simply matching symptomatology read on a list. It is for these reasons I feel it would be a disservice to include the above mentioned disorders. Diagnosing is complex, nuanced, and requires years of education and training.
Below is a multitude of information about the more generalized disorders and how they impact people. To treat some disorders, such as neurodevelopmental, neurocognitive, dissociative, eating, sleep, and psychotic disorders; these typically involve a specialization with more specific training and for some, the collaboration of an MD, and are therefore not listed. Personality disorders are also purposely not listed, as well. Diagnostics require a full mental health exam and detailed assessment along with the client's history and presentation in real time, over a period of time. Diagnosing is not simply matching symptomatology read on a list. It is for these reasons I feel it would be a disservice to include the above mentioned disorders. Diagnosing is complex, nuanced, and requires years of education and training.
ADD/ADHD RESOURCES
What is ADHD?
Thomas E. Brown, PhD, discusses ADHD diagnosis, ADHD symptoms, available ADHD treatment options, and ADHD medication.
Thomas E. Brown, PhD, discusses ADHD diagnosis, ADHD symptoms, available ADHD treatment options, and ADHD medication.
ADDitude Magazine
A comprehensive website for parents, adults, and professionals dealing with ADHD, learning disabilities, and related conditions
A comprehensive website for parents, adults, and professionals dealing with ADHD, learning disabilities, and related conditions
AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER
STRESS DISORDERS and PTSD
Stress and Mental Health Populations of Color: Advancing Our Understanding of Race-related Stressors
Sibling Violence
ANXIETY DISORDERS
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Pandemic Agoraphobia (Not a DSM diagnosis--its symptomatic of the pandemic)
Mass Shooting Agoraphobia (Not a DSM diagnosis--its symptomatic of the weekly deluge of mass shootings)
DEPRESSIVE DISORDERS
SOMATIC SYMPTOM DISORDERS
MENTAL HEALTH EFFECTS
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RACE BASED TRAUMATIC STRESS (RBTS)
Race Based Traumatic Stress: What is it?
Minority Stress and Addiction
Therapy for Latinx
☝🏽Please Note: The X in Latinx is intended to be inclusive of queer and trans people in Latin America and the US by queer and trans people, however, it simultaneously erases a crucial part of Latin American identity and language, and replaces it with an English word. How people define themselves may vary. The website name above is one version.
☝🏽Please Note: The X in Latinx is intended to be inclusive of queer and trans people in Latin America and the US by queer and trans people, however, it simultaneously erases a crucial part of Latin American identity and language, and replaces it with an English word. How people define themselves may vary. The website name above is one version.
Stages of Racial and Cultural Identity Model (RCID) and White Racial Identity Model (WRID)
SOCIAL THEORY: Race, Racism, and Identity
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DEPENDENCY (GROUP RESOURCES)
OTHER DEPENDENCY PRACTICES
You will notice that SLAA is not listed above. I am a sex-positive therapist and join many therapists of this ilk in our findings that there is insufficient evidence to support the idea of 'sex addiction,' as evidenced by the rejection of such a diagnosis by the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists; as well as, the diagnostic bible: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
SHAME & GUILT: How being Adaptive requires Coordination with self and others
⁌⁍
LGBTQIA+ RESOURCES
Queermaps: explorable archive of LGBTQ spaces and organizations in Los Angeles (1871 to the present)
Harlem Renaissance: LGBT 1918 - 1930s
Harlem Renaissance: LGBT, again, 1918 - 1930s
Daughters of Bilitis, the first Lesbian Rights Group 1955
The Mattachine Society, founded 1950, the first Gay Rights Organization, Los Angeles
How West Hollywood came to Symbolize LGBTQ LA
How ACT UP changed America... 'Action = Life/Silence = Death'
The Pride LA magazine
The Blade magazine
Gender Reveal Podcast: Journalist and Educator Tuck Woodstock
Gender Dysphoria and issues surrounding it: Information (transsexuality.org)
The New American Family: Trans, gender queer, Non binary, two spirit
Trans History from the 19th Century to present
Two Spirit People: Sex, Gender & Sexuality in Historic and Contemporary Native America
Transracial Adoptions: Transracial adoptees struggle when attempting to talk with White parents about race
"I know my parents love me but they don't love my people'
"I know my parents love me but they don't love my people'
Ace and Aro Advocacy Project. (autiaro and autiace)
Out: A Parent's Guide to Supporting Your LGBTQIA+ Kid Through Coming Out and Beyond, John Sovec, LMFT
IDENTITY MODELS
Caveat: All identity models have limitations. Just below is a basic list in the historical order that they were established. Identity Models are good places for therapeutic work to reflect from. They are also not all inclusive and should not be taken, as such.
Caveat: All identity models have limitations. Just below is a basic list in the historical order that they were established. Identity Models are good places for therapeutic work to reflect from. They are also not all inclusive and should not be taken, as such.
⚢⚣⚤⚧⚦⚬⚩
POLY Books
Book recommendations below are link-free. This way, you can purchase from your own favorite local book seller
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy by Jessica Fern
More Than two (MTT) by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert
Caveat- Controversial conversations in the poly community surround one MTT author about their personal life.
The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A Litsz
Polyamory Handbook: A User's Guide by Peter J Benson
Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines for Responsible Relationships by Wendy O Matik
The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention and Survival by Kathy Labriola
Book recommendations below are link-free. This way, you can purchase from your own favorite local book seller
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy by Jessica Fern
More Than two (MTT) by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert
Caveat- Controversial conversations in the poly community surround one MTT author about their personal life.
The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A Litsz
Polyamory Handbook: A User's Guide by Peter J Benson
Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines for Responsible Relationships by Wendy O Matik
The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention and Survival by Kathy Labriola
ETHICS AND MORALITY (link)
Julia Driver, Simon Blackburn, Steven Cahn & Peter Markie, Aristotle, Immanuel Kant, John Stuart Mill, Frederich Nietzesche,Peter Singer, T.M. Scanlon
Philosophy Break (link)
Click the link and ignite your curiosity with a mini bite article for literally just a few minutes.
Julia Driver, Simon Blackburn, Steven Cahn & Peter Markie, Aristotle, Immanuel Kant, John Stuart Mill, Frederich Nietzesche,Peter Singer, T.M. Scanlon
Philosophy Break (link)
Click the link and ignite your curiosity with a mini bite article for literally just a few minutes.
INFIDELITY Books
The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
When You're the One who Cheats by Dr Tammy Nelson
Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After by Katherine Woodward Thomas
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Ester Perel
The Road to Reconciliation by Keith R Wilson
Relationship Grief (link)
Esther Perel: Rethinking Infidelity_
⚓︎ ⚓︎ ⚓︎
Trouble Looms when Monogamy is no Longer a Free Expression of Loyalty but a Form of Enforced Compliance
-Esther Perel
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Trouble Looms when Monogamy is no Longer a Free Expression of Loyalty but a Form of Enforced Compliance
-Esther Perel
✈︎
ASEXUALITY/GRAY Books
Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Society, Sexuality, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen
The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker
Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Society, Sexuality, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen
The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker
Cis Lesbian/Gay (link)
The Double By Jungian Analyst Mitch Walker
A Lesbian and Gay Affirmative notion of Anima/Animus
The Double By Jungian Analyst Mitch Walker
A Lesbian and Gay Affirmative notion of Anima/Animus
AGING
Aging Magazine
※
The UnHOUSED-
Services & VOLUNTEER RESOURCES for East LOS ANGELES
Services & VOLUNTEER RESOURCES for East LOS ANGELES
FeedingAmerica.org: for help or donation
Heartfelt Meanings for us all-- (active links)
The Gift of the Magi By O. Henry
A multiperspective short story about relationships with self and other
The Gift of the Magi By O. Henry
A multiperspective short story about relationships with self and other
Wild Geese By Mary Oliver
Poetry
Poetry
Coming Out Plan for PARENTS
-
Coming Out to our Kids: An Affirmative Approach to Assisting Gay, Lesbian and
Bisexual Parents
By Kristin F Jones
In 2004, Adams, Jacques, and May estimated 2 to 10 million gay and lesbian parents were raising 6 to 14 million children in the United States. This large invisible population denotes how pervasive discrimination and heterocentered sociocultural norms obscure relevant queer information; especially, in terms of what constitutes the varieties of the 'American family.'
In fact, large numbers of children who have gay, lesbian and bisexual (GLB) parents are conceived in the context of mixed-orientation coupling; where one parent is gay or bisexual, and the other is straight. Parental alliances do not automatically indicate that a parent is heterosexual, as seen above.
Scores of GLB parents attempt traditional heterosexual marriage in their efforts to have children, while others seek refuge from homonegativity by concealing themselves inside heterosexual relationships. The closeted experience typically is supported by concerns including fear of discrimination, child-custody disputes, family-of-origin reactions, and peer ostracism for the child, parent, or both.
One's coming out breaks the stronghold of the false self allowing the GLB parent to reduce splitting, while challenging the tenacity of shame. GLB clients who consider coming out to their children often seek reassurance that favorable relationships with their kids will be possible, after disclosure. To help serve this purpose, parents are advised to have their own peer support in place before coming out.
Below are seven guidelines to assist the GLB parent with coming out to their child.
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Parents 'Coming Out' plan
Assist conceptualizing affirmative meaning, the actual conversation, and the aftermath
* It is recommended that parents come to terms with their sexual orientation before disclosing to children
* Self-acceptance increases the likelihood that children will react positively
* Shame increases the likelihood that children will react negatively (process shame with client)
Plan for self disclosure
* Parents need to tell their children before they hear from others
* Children rarely initiate a discussion on the topic
* Time and place of disclosure should be planned in advance
Prepare conversations
* Disclosure should be positive and sincere and not apologetic
* Reassure children that loving relationships with parents will not change
Cast self-disclosure in age appropriate language
* Parents should disclose to children as early as possible
* Children are never too young to be told
* Details should be confined to the child's level of understanding
Prepare for possible questions, and if parent doesn't have answers to all questions, encourage the parent to be honest about this; as coming out to their child is a new opportunity for growth, as well.
Kids might ask:
* Why are you telling me?
* What does gay, lesbian or bisexual mean?
* What makes a person gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
* Will I be gay, lesbian, or bisexual, too?
* Don't you like women or men?
* What should I tell my friends?
Allow the child time to process
Remain calm
'Plan' summarized from Barret and Robinson (1990)
As LGBT and queer affirmative clinicians, we assist gay, lesbian, and bisexual parents in the coming out process through reflection and recognition, as we invite the parent to re-imagine their life. The coming out process is exactly that, a process, and it will happen again and again over the course of a lifetime. Clinicians who are not educated in LGBTQ populations are encouraged to obtain training, in order to genuinely understand the lived-experience of GLB parents, their children, and their families of choice.
Affirmative therapy involves responsibility, discernment, contextual focus and above all, support.
Affirmatively yours,
Kristin
Article published in CAMFT Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (April, 2013) Newsletter.
-500 + Resources, August 2023-
⌚︎
Coming Out to our Kids: An Affirmative Approach to Assisting Gay, Lesbian and
Bisexual Parents
By Kristin F Jones
In 2004, Adams, Jacques, and May estimated 2 to 10 million gay and lesbian parents were raising 6 to 14 million children in the United States. This large invisible population denotes how pervasive discrimination and heterocentered sociocultural norms obscure relevant queer information; especially, in terms of what constitutes the varieties of the 'American family.'
In fact, large numbers of children who have gay, lesbian and bisexual (GLB) parents are conceived in the context of mixed-orientation coupling; where one parent is gay or bisexual, and the other is straight. Parental alliances do not automatically indicate that a parent is heterosexual, as seen above.
Scores of GLB parents attempt traditional heterosexual marriage in their efforts to have children, while others seek refuge from homonegativity by concealing themselves inside heterosexual relationships. The closeted experience typically is supported by concerns including fear of discrimination, child-custody disputes, family-of-origin reactions, and peer ostracism for the child, parent, or both.
One's coming out breaks the stronghold of the false self allowing the GLB parent to reduce splitting, while challenging the tenacity of shame. GLB clients who consider coming out to their children often seek reassurance that favorable relationships with their kids will be possible, after disclosure. To help serve this purpose, parents are advised to have their own peer support in place before coming out.
Below are seven guidelines to assist the GLB parent with coming out to their child.
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Parents 'Coming Out' plan
Assist conceptualizing affirmative meaning, the actual conversation, and the aftermath
* It is recommended that parents come to terms with their sexual orientation before disclosing to children
* Self-acceptance increases the likelihood that children will react positively
* Shame increases the likelihood that children will react negatively (process shame with client)
Plan for self disclosure
* Parents need to tell their children before they hear from others
* Children rarely initiate a discussion on the topic
* Time and place of disclosure should be planned in advance
Prepare conversations
* Disclosure should be positive and sincere and not apologetic
* Reassure children that loving relationships with parents will not change
Cast self-disclosure in age appropriate language
* Parents should disclose to children as early as possible
* Children are never too young to be told
* Details should be confined to the child's level of understanding
Prepare for possible questions, and if parent doesn't have answers to all questions, encourage the parent to be honest about this; as coming out to their child is a new opportunity for growth, as well.
Kids might ask:
* Why are you telling me?
* What does gay, lesbian or bisexual mean?
* What makes a person gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
* Will I be gay, lesbian, or bisexual, too?
* Don't you like women or men?
* What should I tell my friends?
Allow the child time to process
Remain calm
'Plan' summarized from Barret and Robinson (1990)
As LGBT and queer affirmative clinicians, we assist gay, lesbian, and bisexual parents in the coming out process through reflection and recognition, as we invite the parent to re-imagine their life. The coming out process is exactly that, a process, and it will happen again and again over the course of a lifetime. Clinicians who are not educated in LGBTQ populations are encouraged to obtain training, in order to genuinely understand the lived-experience of GLB parents, their children, and their families of choice.
Affirmative therapy involves responsibility, discernment, contextual focus and above all, support.
Affirmatively yours,
Kristin
Article published in CAMFT Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (April, 2013) Newsletter.
-500 + Resources, August 2023-
⌚︎